Just for the record… I do not like the idea of networking. To me, networking often feels a little one-sided making it all about me and I get all of the attention and benefit.
I have always been happiest when I act and think about being in service of others. This seems to be a place where I can be curious, helpful, listen better and be patient. When I started thinking about the importance of having multi-level relationships in business, I reflected on some powerful insights that a mentor shared with me early on in my career.
How do you start a relationship?
With many of my relationships, I just didn’t know where to start and what I could share, should share and not sure what they would be interested. I know that I was scared and that my self-talk kept me away from introducing myself to others and thinking they might not like me. My mentor encouraged me to change my story and take the light off of me and put it on them. I became curious about their interests, how did they get here, their development. The conversation just developed and flowed.
How do you build a business relationship?
Although I began to see change personally, I assumed that a business relationship was a bit different. Here I was looking to learn specific skills and was asking for mentoring and training and often time just to get a reaction to my own thinking. What I discovered was that my personal learning was equally applicable in my business relationships. A cool additional insight was that the other person seemed to really enjoy teaching me. This often led to a new, clearer insight for them and it seemed to fill a need they had as well.
What skills do you need?
Over my career, I began to recognize the four skills that have served me well are listening, asking questions, showing vulnerability and showing loyalty.
- Listening – waiting, hearing it all first before responding, and being able to paraphrase it back all became essential.
- Asking questions – I found that my best questions came for being curious vs asking a question to show how smart I was, (that does not work).
- Showing vulnerability – I had to admit when it was tough, or that it wasn’t sinking in fast enough, or that I just wasn’t in a good place or in denial.
- Showing loyalty – I would honour our conversations keep them in confidence and not ever share them with others out of respect.
Applying these insights to building relationships at multiple levels in an organization deepens personal learning and helps others grow. I have seen several leaders who usually only think of one level above, limited their impact and development. I would suggest that effective business relationships can be very rewarding at all levels for all parties.
One final “food for thought” – a top five de-railer of leaders in organizations is an over-reliance on a single boss or supporter. Spread your relationships to spread your experience and knowledge.
Phil Drouillard
Partner
Lighthouse NINE Group
One Eva Road, Suite 209 | Toronto, ON M9C 4Z5
https://www.linkedin.com/in/phildrouillard
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